A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
