oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
