I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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