I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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