Moan for me like Helen Keller
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I didn't notice because vodka
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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