Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
