Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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