He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
smell my finger.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
