fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
