went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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