aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
