Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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