I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
