Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I want is dick and wine.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
