I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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