i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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