whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
MIDGETS
????
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
