ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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