He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
