White coat. Heels.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
