well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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