he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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