Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
