You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
