come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Randomize
