I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize