i just wanna soil my oats bro
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
