Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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