Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
