Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
