what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
