The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
