i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
