have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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