I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
