good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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