You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
