after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize