I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Welp...herpes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
