I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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