if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
