I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
