Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
