Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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