My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
