apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
