I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize