you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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