Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
