are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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