I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
