I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
