Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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