While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
