one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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