Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize