I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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