whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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