dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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