you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
