I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
