omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
