Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
