I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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