im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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