Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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