ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize