hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Will exercising make me less horny?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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