Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
