I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize