Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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